🔥 NEW PRODUCT DROP: The “Eat a Dick” Farm-to-Table Apron 🔥

Alright, my spicy little stove goblins. Let’s talk about the apron that just curb-stomped every boring kitchen smock into culinary purgatory. No frills. No fru-fru. Just heat, hustle, and hard truths served medium rare.

This is not your meemaw’s apron—unless your meemaw swears like a trucker, slow-roasts her childhood trauma, and hosts dinner parties strictly out of spite.

Introducing the “Eat a Dick” Farm-to-Table Apron, starring the one and only Dick the Pig™—my unhinged kitchen spirit animal and patron saint of passive-aggressive potlucks. He’s round. He’s ragey. He’s wrapped in vintage farm vibes and zero tolerance for your cousin’s unseasoned chicken.

Why You Need This Apron in Your Life:

• Material: Sass-resistant cotton/poly blend because your attitude needs armor.

• Fit: One-size-fits-most-humans-who’ve-had-enough (we see you, Karen).

• Design: Dick the Pig™ loud and proud, flanked by a rustic motif and bold-ass lettering that screams what I actually want to say during PTA chili cook-offs.

• Functionality: Deep front pocket for hiding snacks, broken dreams, or your meat thermometer (not a euphemism—but honestly, live your truth).

Ideal For:

• Passive-aggressive casseroles with a side of simmering rage

• Thanksgiving with the in-laws who “don’t eat pork”

• Telling Brad to get the hell out of your prep space without even opening your mouth

This apron doesn’t just protect you from splatter—it empowers your inner kitchen gremlin. It wipes away tears, soaks up the drama, and sends a message:
"This dinner’s about to be seasoned with spite and smoked paprika. Buckle up."

Cook boldly. Serve chaos. And above all… Eat a Dick.

👉 Snag yours now, chaos cooks. Supplies are limited. Like my patience.
https://shandize.com/products/eat-a-dick-farm-to-table-apron-ft-dick-the-pig